Stories And Experiments With Determinism

Part Three of Free Will Series

Part One and Part Two explored the concepts of free will and ego from a mainly conceptual intellectual perspective. You may or may not feel convinced that there is no “free will.” Or you don’t see the relevance of how surrendering it can benefit your life. I hope to bring the benefits home to you in this article.

Many years ago, I booked a flight from NZ to Germany. I didn’t have much money, so it was one of these cheap 40-hour plus flights with lengthy stopovers in between. I also booked a domestic flight to Auckland, allowing 2 1/2 hours for transit.

In the morning, I got a call from the airline (yes, they still called you in those days) that my international flight was delayed by two hours. I grumbled and got annoyed having to endure a prolonged 4 1/2 hour layover in Auckland.

A few hours later, they rang again and told me that the departure was delayed for another two hours and the plane was leaving at 1 am. I threw a tantrum. I already was dreading the flight, and this was a terrible start.

When we make emotional judgments, we rarely can think clearly. What I didn’t realise was that it didn’t make any difference at all. The second layover of six hours would only be two hours now.

When I arrived at the domestic airport, it was announced that the plane to Auckland was delayed due to thick fog. A nervous wait started. Suddenly, I was grateful that my international flight was delayed. After a two-hour delay, the flight was cancelled. It was the last flight.

I reacted with great anger. I would miss my international flight. It was a different airline; I had no insurance and would lose all my money. Then I felt great despair. Why did that happen to me? What did I do wrong? I blamed everybody and myself.

Then I heard a man beside me calling loudly: “We booked a rental car. We still have one free seat. Is there anyone who needs a ride to Auckland?”

I raised my hand and explained my situation to the businessman. He checked the time and said: “If all goes well, we might arrive in time for your flight. We can drop you off at the international airport on our way.”

I was humbled. In my emotional turmoil, I not even considered renting a car. My financial contribution was declined (the company pays, don’t worry), and they wouldn’t let me buy them takeaway dinner on the way. They insisted that they pay. (“on the company’). They broke the speed record to drop me at the door of the airport just after midnight. It was touch and go. It was a mad rush, and I reached the gate ten to one. I was totally exhausted from all the stress.

Then it was announced that the flight was delayed for another hour. I didn’t make a peep. I just sat down and closed my eyes in humble surrender.

It turned out to be the best flight I ever had.

Not because it could have been better. All the usual shit happened. Endlessly crying babies, spilled food, the movie not working - you name it. But I didn’t suffer from it as I usually would have done.

The events unfolded as they must. I had no control over them. But my relationship with them changed dramatically. Non-judgmental understanding and a new-found humbleness turned me into a pleasant, friendly being that temporarily made friends with myself and others. And it painted the whole trip with a lovely colour.

I learned my first real-life lesson about determinism.

But it was far from set in stone. So I forgot about it again, returning to my selfish, judgmental and will-based conditioned ways. As a result, I suffered over and over again.

Then, a few years later, I read Old Man’s Horse, a story on an Osho Tarot card. It struck home immediately, and I never forgot it.

The Old Man’s Horse

The story is simple: There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse. Such a horse had never been seen before — the beauty, the very grandeur, the strength. Kings asked for the horse and they offered fabulous prices, but the old man would say, `This horse is not a horse to me; he is a person, and how can you sell a person? He is a friend; he is not a possession. How can you sell a friend? No, it is not possible.’ The man was poor, there was every temptation, but he never sold the horse.

One morning, he suddenly found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, `You foolish old man. We knew it beforehand that some day the horse would be stolen. And you are so poor — how can you protect such a precious thing? It would have been better to sell it. You could have fetched any price you asked; any fancy price was possible. Now the horse is gone. It is a curse, a misfortune.’

The old man said, `Don’t go too far — simply say that the horse is not in the stable. This is the fact; everything else is a judgment. Whether it is a misfortune or not, how do you know? How do you judge?’

The people said, `Don’t try to befool us. We may not be great philosophers, but no philosophy is needed. It is a simple fact that a treasure has been lost, and it is a misfortune.’

The old man said, `I will stick to the fact that the stable is empty and the horse is gone. Anything else I don’t know — whether it is a misfortune or a blessing — because this is just a fragment. Who knows what is going to follow it?’

People laughed. They thought the old man had gone mad. They always knew it that he was a little crazy; otherwise, he would have sold this horse and lived in riches. But he was living like a woodcutter, and he was very old and still cutting wood and bringing the wood from the forest and selling it. He was living hand to mouth, in misery and poverty. Now it was completely certain that this man was crazy.

After fifteen days, suddenly, one night, the horse returned. He had not been stolen: he had escaped to the wilderness. And not only did he come back, he brought a dozen wild horses with him. Again the people gathered and they said, `Old man, you were right and we were wrong. It was not a misfortune; it proved to be a blessing. We are sorry that we insisted.’

The old man said, `Again, you are going too far. Just say that the horse is back, and say that twelve horses have come with the horse — but don’t judge. Who knows whether it is a blessing or not? It is only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read one page of a book; how can you judge the whole book? You read a sentence on a page — how can you judge the whole page? You read a single word in a sentence — how can you judge the whole sentence? And even a single word is not in hand — life is so vast — a fragment of a word and you have judged the whole! Don’t say that this is a blessing; nobody knows. And I am happy in my no-judgment; don’t disturb me.’

This time the people could not say much; maybe the old man was again right. So they kept silent, but inside, they knew well that he was wrong. Twelve beautiful horses had come with the horse. With a little training and they could all be sold and they would fetch much money.

The old man had a young son, only one son. The young son started to train the wild horses; just a week later, he fell from a wild horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered again — and people are people everywhere, like you everywhere — again they judged. Judgment comes so soon! They said, `You were right, again you proved right. It was not a blessing; it was again a misfortune. Your only son has lost his legs, and in your old age, he was your only support. Now you are poorer than ever.’

The old man said, `You are obsessed with judgment. Don’t go that far. Say only that my son has broken his legs. Who knows whether this is a misfortune or a blessing? — nobody knows. Again a fragment is given to you. Life comes in fragments, and judgment is about the total.’

It happened that after a few weeks, the country went to war with a neighbouring country, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military. Only the old man’s son was left because he was crippled. The people gathered, crying and weeping because from every house young people were forcibly taken away. And there was no possibility of their coming back because the country that had attacked was a big country, and the fight was a losing fight. They were not going to come back.

The whole town was crying and weeping, and they came to the old man and they said, `You were right, old man! God knows you were right — this proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but still, he is with you. Our sons are gone forever. At least he is alive and with you, and, by and by, he will start walking. Maybe a little limp will be left, but he will be okay.’

The old man again said, `It is impossible to talk to you people, you go on and on and on — you go on judging. Nobody knows! Only say this: that your sons have been forced to enter into the military, into the army, and my son has not been forced. But nobody knows whether it is a blessing or a misfortune. Nobody will ever be able to know it. Only God knows.’

And when we say only God knows, it means only the Total knows. Judge ye not, otherwise, you will never be able to become one with the Total. With fragments, you will be obsessed; with small things you will jump to conclusions. And Sufis are very insistent on this: you never bother that there are things that are completely beyond you, but even about them, you make judgments. Your consciousness is on a very low rung of the ladder. You live in the dark valley of misery, anguish, and from your darkest valleys of miseries, you judge even a Buddha. Even a Buddha is not left without your judgment. Even a Jesus is judged by you — not only judged but crucified; judged and found guilty; judged and punished.

These are important stories. But the same philosophy can be applied in ordinary daily situations if we remember it.

Last night, I drove my car and had to get to a specific address. Then I took a wrong turn. My first habitual response - habits are the default mode of our ego-state - was irritation and annoyance. I lost a minute. Bad. Annoying. Wasting time is a “bad” thing in our culture.

Then I remembered.

Wrong.

Remembering happened.

No “I” was involved.

Let’s call it “Grace”.

It is impossible to say or determine why, at that moment, determinism entered my conscious thoughts. Countless previous habitual ego reactions irritated me without the sudden remembering of determinism. As a consequence, I suffered.

But this time, grace was with me and remembering happened. That’s the only way I can currently make sense of it. I don’t know if there is any truth in bringing the concept of grace into it, but it works for me. It humbles me. It takes me out of my ego state of “free will”, where I believe I am in sole charge of my destiny.

It changed everything.

“It is not my fault” was the first reaction.

Annoyance left.

“It is nobody’s fault” was the second reaction.

Irritation left.

“What is next? How does that change things?” was my third reaction.

I noticed a sudden excited, energised curiosity for the current moment. I was acutely in the here and now. It was like waking up from a dream.

I woke from the driving-around-day-dream where we see and don’t see. Suddenly I noticed everything, the street, the trees, the humming of the car, an old man walking with his mouth wide open, gasping for air and reminding me to keep my fitness up. Very likely causing me to go to the gym the very next day.

The rest of the trip was similar to visiting a new place for a holiday. We really look. We really notice. And everything is vivid and real and beautiful. I had driven down that road many times but never saw it. There is nothing special about that road. But me really noticing it made it so.

Surrendering free will and allowing determinism is a simple method to leave our habitual ego-state behind. It evokes the awakening question: “What is happening right now?”. It creates this curiosity, asking: “What will reality throw at me next?”

The habitual ego-state that sees the world through the filter of our expectations, likes and dislikes is suddenly replaced by reality. We see what really IS. The ego state, in contrast, makes a simple life extremely complex.

1. By constantly wondering why something happens

2. By taking it personally

3. By constantly liking or not liking what happens

4. By trying to predict what happens next based on pretty simple human algorithms that would insult creation tremendously if it had any feelings.

5. By getting upset when creation doesn’t listen to our predictions

6. By looping back to 1.

Welcome to the mental ego loop resulting in this:

Life is a bitch. It doesn’t do what I want it to do

Free will - if it exists or not - is not that relevant. I can’t honestly say that I know for sure.

So why did I spend so much time writing two long articles about it? Because consciously dropping “free will” and opening up to determinism - just as a playful experiment - can be used as a tool, a door to your true Self.

I hope the last two articles softened your undisputed learned concept of “free will” so you can start playing with it a little and watch what happens. True wisdom and lasting change are never acquired through conceptual thinking.

Thinking is based on language. Language is a map. It is not the territory. In our highly intellectualised and abstract world, we forget that. It is worth diving into this.

Think of a geographical map of an area. A piece of paper with drawings on it. What does it represent? It represents an incredibly diverse three-dimensional area on the earth full of texture, sound, plants, animals, people, and structures that interact dynamically. There are millions of nuances and different experiences. The map misses all this. It hugely simplifies reality.

It has its purpose, of course. It helps you to get from A to B quicker. However, it is optional. Humans navigated the world within the territory for millions of years without maps. But it is a helpful tool. We need help, however, when we confuse the map with the territory.

These people are an amusing example: 8 People who blindly followed their GPS into disaster.

These are stories of people blindly following the map (their GPS) without comparing it with the territory. This is what happens when the map replaces the territory. They drove their cars into lakes, off cliffs, into a cherry tree, a sand pit and a house. The most bizarre but also most telling one was Sabine Moreau:

All Sabine Moreau wanted to do was pick up a friend from the train station, which was north of her home in Hainault Erquelinees, Brussels. But when the GPS directions took her south instead of north, the 67-year-old woman didn't question it. She stuck by her GPS when she saw the signs for the German towns of Frankfurt, Aachen, and Cologne. And when the lengthy trip forced her to refuel twice, and pull over to catch a few hours of shut-eye — Moreau didn't question the machine even then. Only when she entered the Croatian capital of Zagreb did she finally realize something was up. Her friend at the train station and her son had also caught on, and her son called the police. When Moreau finally returned home, all she said by way of explanation was, "I admit it's a little weird, but I was distracted."

There is probably more to the story than just the GPS; it still illustrates two things.

Firstly, it demonstrates the difference between the map and the territory and our over-reliance on maplike tools. Conceptual thinking is a maplike tool. It is not an authentic experience. When we think, we leave the reality of experience. We don’t see and feel the world as it is anymore when we think conceptually.

Secondly, it gives us an extreme example of a chronic ego state. She was in a daydream for two days, completely losing touch with the reality around her. We might laugh and think that this could never happen to us. Don’t laugh.

It is happening to us all the time. The only difference between us and Sabine is that we don’t drive a car to Zagreb. We do other things automatically while our habitual, automatic ego state takes us over. We do not even think. We, without any apparent control, “get thought” over long periods of time while we sleep-walk through reality. We are so used to it that we do not notice it anymore.

The relationship between a map and the territory is very similar to the relationship between a word and its meaning. Take the word “dog” for example. It is highly generic. Not only are there hundreds of different species but within each specie, there is a kaleidoscope of forms, shapes, temperaments and manifestations of a dog.

Every word we use is an inferior one-dimensional substitute for what it stands for and comes not even close to touching the richness of the real thing.

The ego-state is effectively a map to navigate us through the chaotic diversity of reality. It helps our bodies to survive better. It saves energy. Like the road map, it serves a simple purpose. The ego-state is a tool we can use consciously when needed. Nothing wrong with that.

But if it takes over our lives, it is not only a one-dimensional life; it causes suffering whenever the map doesn’t match reality. And that is quite often.

So next time determinism messes up your life, and you get all irritated or upset, take that as a clue. Don’t fight it with your will. Get curious. Let it happen. Surrender to the events unfolding in front of you. Don’t judge it as good or bad. Remember the old man and the horse. We only know a tiny fraction of reality.

Stay with the simple facts in front of you.

My partner had an affair.

I won $10000 in the lottery

I broke my leg.

Resist the compulsion to judge it - either way. Instead, get curious about what unfolds from that. It will take some practice but could replace Netflix after a while. The unfolding reality of your life watched with bemused neutrality, is better than any ego drama.